The man in the picture is not me, but it is the most representative image I have found in relation to what happened to me this morning. Surely as fathers and mothers you have seen in more than one like the one I will explain. I do, and my wife too, but today, because one of the events that happened was relatively important, it acquires a little more relevance.
A few days ago, a journalist from the newspaper "El País" contacted me. I wanted to do an interview for my role as a father and, for the distance, we ended up doing it by phone. Thus begins my story, which I have titled: "The day you are interviewed from an important newspaper and you feel Bridget Jones in masculine".
What happened to me today
Well, that, after several days of conversations to find the ideal time to talk, in the end we have stayed for today at 12:00 noon. Yesterday it could not be because I had to go find the children at the conservatory (so that your children study an instrument you have to point them out of school, if not, you have it badly), and then we went to buy a piece of furniture for one of the toilets, that Aran, the medium, broke the one we had in a mishap without serious injuries. Today I told her that I was doing well at 11:00, but she was doing better at 12:00, at which time I had to go find the children at school. In the end, Miriam went to look for them and I stayed at home waiting for the call. Me at home, accompanied by Guim, my two-year-old son, who has helped me star in the scene.
He caught me in underpants (no problem, he was called, and not videocall) because he was just cleaning the toilets. In my house they are cleaned with bleach because tend to accumulate a smell of public toilet that scares. Those of you who have girls, I suppose you don't live it the same way, but I already have two that mean standing up and, although one part goes inside, much goes outside. So not to stain my clothes with bleach, I clean them pornochacho, in underpants.
The first course was already made, but there was some second to go. Today we have chosen to put the fryer and step out with breaded hake fillets. "I'll do them in a moment," I told Miriam as she walked out the door, hoping the call would be delayed a bit. But no, it has been punctual and I immediately picked up the phone while I went to the sink to continue cleaning.
He introduces himself, explains the reason for the interview and begins to ask me some questions related to my role as a parent, with the role of parents in parenting, etc., in the meantime I am giving it to the sink, to bleach, at least where at home, better. I go talking and go to the kitchen, where I take the basket out of the fryer because the first two hake were already made. I pass them to a plate and put the next two. I get to put them in the oil when Guim appears and says "poop!".
"Great, poop ...", I think. You can throw days without pooping and You have to do it right at the moment I am left alone, talking on the phone, trying to say coherent things. I think that the call will not be very long and that when I finish I can change the diaper. But I think so, because Guim doesn't. He approaches the sink, where I was cleaning, and bleach. I get it out as I can. I don't know where I left the rag, now, so I start looking for him so he won't find him before me. But he is in other things. He is worried about his poop, so he drops his pants, unzips his diaper, He drops it and looks at me, smiling, glad to have pooped, I suppose, or to be so old that he is already able to take off only the diaper, perhaps. I keep talking, while I watch the scene and catch it before everything ends in a nightmare.
With a diaper on the floor full of poop and Guim ready to run to the sofa, in brown marker mode, I gather all my physical ability to prevent it from coming and "painting everything". I lie to clean the poop, while I say something like "... because some parents are trying to flee from the authoritarian education we receive, in the search for a different style of education, but not let the child handle the situation, or all the family, that is, one that flees at the same time from permissiveness. " He who does not want, who wants to go, "let me, do not clean my ass, it is cool to go like this, with a dirty ass for the world."
With my cell phone trapped in my ear by my shoulder, I can immobilize Guim for a moment to get the wipes. I open the box, take out the first one and clean. I take the sec ... Are the wipes running out now? I see in the drawer the super savings package in which 10 packages of wipes go inside. I let Guim fly away. I take the huge package, I open it. Guim climbs onto a bed and I think "by God, I hope I have done magic with that wipe." I tell him to get off while I take a pack of wipes and I apologize to my interlocutor because "I am very busy ... right now I am changing the diaper to the little one, hehehe." I go behind him, who goes to the dining room, towards the sofa. "Well, I have not encountered the situation because my wife and I have always agreed enough in our educational style ...". I finally open it, take out the damn second wipe while I breathe because he hasn't got to put his ass on the couch. New tackle, lift one leg and clean. Luckily, this time it is left and, apparently, the first one had served a lot.
I keep talking but I'm not sure what I'm saying. You know, men don't know how to do two things at the same time beyond walking and chewing gum, so I try to keep my sanity in the message I am transmitting. I leave the child clean, but still without a diaper, I try to focus again on what I am saying and when I finish the sentence he thanks me. That? It is done? Now that I can listen and speak knowing what I say? I say goodbye, hang up and go to the fryer to lower the next two hakes, which have been boring, semi-frozen for a long time. I go to the toilets, to see if I just once and in between I put a diaper to the luxury side of the story, lest I make another comic scene.
"How was the interview?" I tell Miriam. "Well, no idea, because I don't know what I've said ... Guim has pooped and removed his diaper alone and ran away." He laughed, told me that it happened not long ago, also talking on the phone and we have not given more importance to the matter because this is our day to day. The day-to-day life of parents of three children that surely agrees very much with the day-to-day life of all those who read us (I say it in feminine because I am sure you are more women than men). It is nothing special, it is one of many more or less common situations, but when I hang up I have said to myself "what will this woman have thought when she heard the echo of speaking from the sink, the sound of the full-blown extractor trying to absorb the smell of fried and the groans of my son before his father trying to clean his ass. " And I don't know what he thought, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to what I would think if I had seen the scene live and direct.
