Babies under 3 months should sleep, yes or yes, in the same room as their parents. This is a rule that has to do with the safety of the baby, because it decreases the risk of something happening at night. After 3 months, there are few parents who decide to take their baby out of the room, but some do. It is especially after 6 months when many babies "go" to their room, and for this the parents receive or read a series of recommendations in order to make the change possible.
About letting them cry, I don't even talk. There are numerous occasions in which we have expressed our non-adherence to methods that make children suffer for independence that they don't need, so we go to those recommendations that try to help parents to have their children sleep alone, but without tears. I speak of offering them a stuffed animal that serves as a transitional object, to put some system with which mom's voice can be heard, like a recording, and to leave some pledge of mom, so that the smell reassures him. Serving? Maybe yes, but in my view they are most absurd.
They are recommendations that a few days ago I could read in the book "The science of being parents", by Margot Sunderland (highly recommended, although I think it is discontinued), in which they are explained as a possible solution for those parents who, yes or yes, want put your child to sleep alone. Something like "well, if you insist, try it, but don't let him cry, do it like that."
A stuffed animal to hug
The first thing discussed is to offer the baby a transitional object, that is, something that helps the baby to separate from his parents, but that does not leave him totally alone. It is usually a stuffed animal, a blanket, a cushion, ... something that accompanies you and that the baby takes into account as a companion.
Personally, I am not very friendly to offer anything to babies, but of course, there has been no separation in my house and therefore no transition has been necessary. When the eldest went to sleep he was only 6 years old, so he did not need any help of any kind, and when the median left at age 4 he shared a room with the elder. Eye, they have their dolls and stuffed animals in bed, but they have no dependence on any of them.
In Babies and more Arms are a basic need of the baby, such as eating or sleepingA recording with mom's voice
The following, once you have offered a companion that does not make you feel alone (if a stuffed animal can be called a companion), is to make the baby calm down by hearing your voice. From studies done with mammals it is known that the simple fact of listening to mom's voice reduces stress hormone levels and helps you calm down in case of separation. That is why it is recommended to use a system that can reproduce a recording with the mother's voice, telling her how much she loves him, singing a babysitter or simply explaining a story.
A garment with the smell of mom
In the same line as mom's voice is the smell. Babies have a magnificent nose and are very capable of recognizing mom's smell among several odors. That is why it is recommended to give him some garment that has the mother's smell impregnated. Maybe you can even put the garment on the stuffed animal.
A massage before falling asleep
Another recommendation is to give them a little contact before sleep. This is to caress them or make them a relaxing massage, because it calms them and helps them sleep feeling touched, dear, in contact with mom or dad. There are even studies done with preschool children that show that when they receive a massage before bed they rest better than when they do not receive it.
In Babies and moreColecho yes, but for sure: avoid the risk of suffocationThe perfect invention for the child to sleep: a mom's clone
After having read all the recommendations to get the baby to sleep alone in his room without tears (or with tears, but doing everything possible so that he does not shed and calm down), it seems quite clear that the next thing the industry should invent childcare is a doll, a kind of mom's clone to which we could put a t-shirt with the smell of mom, to which we could introduce an SD card with several recordings of pretty words of mom that the baby would hear before sleeping and in case she woke up with groans or crying (the wrist would be activated before it) and that it was soft and warm enough to act as a transitional object.
In fact, he wouldn't even need to be as big as mom, because his legs and arms could be ignored. It could even be like a smaller scale, because in total, the functions would still be there and the stuffed animals that accompany babies today are rather small.
Absurd, right?
Sounds very absurd, right? It makes you want to say "my mother, who would buy something like that?", But the reality is that many, many parents, already buy it without knowing it. When they give their baby a stuffed animal to be a companion, when they record mom's voice on a recorder that talks to her to sleep, when they give her a piece that smells like mom, when they give her some contact so that fall asleep When they do all that they are already buying mom's substitute (and when I say mom, I also say dad).
And if this is so, if the recommendations for a baby to sleep peacefully is to trick him into thinking more or less that he is with his mother or, at the very least, feel that he is accompanied, when in reality he is more alone than one, Is it not that what a baby really needs is to be accompanied?
That is, why do parents take their baby to their room? They usually do it because someone has told them that it is positive for them, that they need it, that it will help them in their independence, that it will make them grow and develop as they should, that they should already cut the imaginary umbilical cord that joins them with their caregivers to start to be an independent person, all because it is what the baby needs. The parents, of course, believe it and fear that leaving the baby in the same room can become a spoiled, spoiled and unbearable child, nothing autonomous and little brave. They believe that what they really need is to sleep alone, because that is what they have been led to believe.
In Babies and more How I became in favor of colechoHowever, a baby's true need is not that. The real need, if to sleep well we have to put a piece of mom substitute at your side, is be with his mother and father, accompanied by human persons of flesh and blood, of those who speak if necessary, of those who always smell the same, with a smell that does not go away all night, of those who breathe and who can give you a massage to that you fall asleep and can caress you at night if you get nervous again or simply because they want to do it. Of those that give you a kiss on the cheek because they have been watching you breathe for several minutes and move your eyes from side to side while you dream of beautiful things.
That is the real need and what will actually make the baby sleep peacefully and without tears, a need that, if covered, will not harm its autonomy, its character or its development at all. On the contrary, the more loved, supported and calm you feel, the more protected you know, the more value you will have when taking the initiative on other issues. They are the babies that do not know when you will come, if you will be with them or not, if you will accompany them in case of making mistakes that, over time, stop taking risks of any kind: why investigate if maybe something happens to me and mom does not Are you here to calm me down? And worse, the feeling of not feeling supported and consequently unable to do many things for lack of self-esteem: why try to do something that I do not know, if surely I will not be able?
Come on, without going so far through the branches, I repeat the question: won't it be, if we have to put little pieces of mom next to the baby to sleep fairly quietly, that really what a baby needs is her mother? And isn't it that parents also benefit from having the baby around to spend more time with him, enjoy his company at night and falling in love again every time they look at him, quiet, sleeping soundly, confident that you are safe with them?
Photos | iStockfoto, Thikstock
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