I wonder, sarcastically, if I will be a good mother and if I will be turning my son into a failure with my complacency and kindness. After reading all that I could of the most sinister method of the week, that of Amy Chua's tiger mother, I wonder if I will be a cow mother, a gorilla mother or a donkey mother. What kind of mother am I?
The kind of mother I am
I consider myself a human mother, descendant of thousands of generations of sapiens sapiens, of hundreds of thousands of generations of primates, of millions of mammals. Intelligent, rational and also sensitive and emotional.
The mother that I am is a mother who breastfeeds, watches the dream, offers the greatness of this fascinating world full of questions and beauty so that my son goes into it with knowledge and love.
I am a mother who does not hit her son. I am a mother who hugs and comforts. Who loves without measure understanding love as acceptance, welcome, respect and availability. A mother who does not punish. A mother who is not authoritarian but who encourages her to capture and live with intensity and learning and making the best of herself.
My son will be a winner
I do not consider my son a product, or a project, or a way to succeed in life. I do not consider myself its owner, but the companion of its growth, offering care, advice, experience, protection, teachings and experiences.
I don't expect my son to be a winner as Mrs. Chua understands. I do not care if he is not a millionaire, if he does not have four houses and five cars, I do not care if he does not go to the history books or if he does not become a prodigy.
But I do want him to succeed. That he knows how to communicate his feelings, that he knows how to be compassionate and empathetic. I want him to live with his covered needs, to have a home full of love for his children and himself, to be a reference for those who know him as a good and wise person, to take advantage of the gifts that have been granted to fulfill a life full of meaning.
The childhood
I allow you to choose. Choose your friends not by conventions, but by affinity and mutual respect. Choose what you learn, enjoying it and becoming an expert in what fascinates you, making knowing a pleasure, as a human being. I allow you to choose because as an adult you should know how to choose for yourself.
I have given him the best possible childhood. A full, free, happy and meaningful childhood in itself. We do not know when our time will come, we do not know if there will be a second chance or if an eternal life awaits us. Even those who believe that life is an experiment and that we will have a thousand more lives to continue growing if we wish, we respect this gift that is today's life, and each day must be lived as an Eternity to which we could respond.
I look around me and I see people sulking, tired, with no time for their children and their friends, with never solved grudges that take back their soul. People who harm others and the Earth, without knowing how to regain the innocence and goodness of a baby hugging the mother.
I see so many scared and depressed children who grew up without the security of knowing they were loved no matter if they were not perfect, believing that they were not perfect because they did not achieve what others designed as what needs to be, that of course I do not want my son to think that his life and his daily work have to be directed only to the achievement of external objectives. Children in which the seed of violence was planted through punishment, shouting, emotional blackmail and even beating.
Each person is different. There are shoemakers, there are doctors, there are sweepers, there are midwives, there are musicians, poets, teachers, vendors, peasants and prophets. But before all that there are people, good people and people who do not know not to harm others in order to achieve their material objectives or social prestige. What are the winners?
What kind of mother am I?
I consider myself a winner. My friends look for me not because of what I have, but because of who I am. They listen to me for what I hear, what I learn, what I teach. I don't need too much to live or to be happy. Death will always find us alone with ourselves and only before us will we confess if it was worth going through life.
I am a full, conscious mother, who learns from her son and enjoys this experience. Wonderful is motherhood. I do it without reluctance, safe after many blows, watching my son grow up happy, trusting in his abilities and free, because being free, not a predator or an unconscious, seems to me the best teaching that parents can give their children.
What kind of mother am I? For Mrs. Chua I will be a bad mother, a mother who laughs and plays, a mother who dreams and tells stories, a mother who reads stories and talks about human nature with compassion and hope. A bad, very bad mother, a human mother.
