A few months ago Mireia showed a video about violence against children made in France that I thought was incredible. In it an overflowed mother gave a loud and violent cheek (a cake) to her daughter in the presence of the grandmother who, far from praising or criticizing her behavior (I say praise because there is everything in the vineyard of the Lord), which is what I expected him to do (criticize or appease), he approaches his daughter to give her a hug, asking for forgiveness.
Sorry because unless the way your parents educated you left such a mark that you rejected it, most children look good and normal for everything that happened. It is usually said that when dogs are mistreated they end up thinking that this is normal and something similar happens with children: to know that something is wrong, you must know what is right to compare. Who only knows evil, believes that it is usual and normal.
That's why many children grew up believing to receive a cheek we didn't like it, but we deserved it in a way, we grew up believing that we would like to spend more time with our parents, but we think that it is normal that it did not happen, and that is why many of us reached adulthood with the same “tics” that our parents had: afraid of having children who got on our hump, that they would tease us or that they wanted to take control and that is why we defended, as adults, that "if I had a child and had to correct him with a cheek, I probably would."
However, one day we are parents and everything that seemed normal to us, everything our parents did to educate us, begins to be seen from another perspective. We begin to mature and we begin to know that reference that is needed to criticize what was once good and that we now believe is wrong. Then feelings, experiences and memories emerge that make us think that it could have been different, to the point that we would like our parents to ask for forgiveness (I'm sorry, today I'm sensitive ... if I had a psychologist, I would make her win the floor, but it's not like that).
As parents we live our childhood again
One of the reasons I am more happy to have been a father is that from the beginning I connected so much with him (I speak of my eldest son) that in a way I have relived my childhood through his experiences.
I have known his cries, his fears, his insecurities, the thrusts of unknown children, the "you can't play" of those who were older than him, his "I don't like this", that I had to eat him with arcades and everything and many other things that have made me remember past times, things that I thought then had to be like that, period, things that a few years ago I thought could not be otherwise ... things that now I think could have been different and that made me "antagonize" my parents.
You didn't do it right
Then I became critical of them. You forced me to eat, you punished me, you hit me (not much, but I remember it vividly), you paid more attention to those who made more noise and "not always the one who shouts the most is the one who is worse." Communication was lacking, confidence was lacking and freedom was lacking since you never let me choose. So, when I grew up and had to make my own decisions for the first time insecurity ate me to the point of not knowing how to do it.
You failed, you didn't do it right, and that's why I pointed to you in your day from within (communication lacked and is still missing now).
But I forgive you
I forgive you because five years ago my first child was born and at least three years ago I passed sentence. Time has passed and I alone, without anyone's help, I have rebuilt many of my childhood gaps and I've licked the wounds that you wanted or unintentionally caused me, those that I didn't see then and now I clearly recognize.
I forgive you because I know that you did it in the best way you knew and that you did everything from your way of loving, different from mine, but loving equally.
However, I would love to receive that hug of forgiveness
However, as the video's grandmother does, hugging her daughter to apologize for all the moments that made her a daughter capable of losing her temper and violently beating her daughter, I would love to receive a hug of forgiveness.
Many of us would like to know that deep down, those who made you feel fear, when they wanted you to feel respect, have realized that they could have done better. How many barriers would fall and how many wounds would heal if they came and told us: "I'm sorry, son, in the past it was done that way and at that moment we thought it was the best, if I could do it again I would do it differently."
PS: Do not be too blind with me today ... I have undressed completely to write this and I am sensitive.
