On June 21, a 12-year-old boy escaped from home in Oviedo, and I spend one night alone in the street, for fear of teaching his notes at home. I imagine the anguish that his family had to go through, as I imagine how scared he would be during all the hours he spent wandering.
Fortunately, the episode had a happy ending, although at that age, there are several risks that I ran when making such a little thoughtful decision. Do we put ourselves in the shoes of the parents and the child? Perhaps the child had his reasons for fearing his parents (perhaps he felt very pressured); parents may also have a strong interest in good grades as a means to progress academically.
We are talking about a child who will have finished fifth or sixth grade of Primary school (depending on whether he has repeated on occasion), they are not ages to feel excessive pressure for grades, and even less so that they understand that they are everything in their academic process . How would you react if your children's grades were unfavorable?
What do you ask your children?
Every year when the course begins, teachers usually call family members to group meetings, they explain that other aspects are taken into account in addition to the results of the quarterly exams. Certainly, even children who are good students can have a bad day and suspend a test, although this possibility decreases if we get our children to organize school work well (while they may have more free time).
Teachers also tell us about the objectives to be achieved, and they tell us that our involvement is necessary. But despite all this, there are still many parents chasing a newsletter full of 'excellent', as if the rest of the considerations didn't matter.
If I have learned anything since I was a Parent School trainer, it is that when we talk about the concept of School Success, the visions are different, for each mother, for each father has a meaning, and this evidently conditions the relationship with the children, and the role that the parents assume in the process.
Some of the most interesting insights, I commented on this post about the 'basic skills of parents to influence school success', I have found parents whose goal is for children to become happy in their school stage, others who pretend that they enjoy learning, that they learn to organize themselves better so that they have time to devote to other important moments of growth, etc.
The road is much more important to me than the result, I don't lose sight of my children's abilities according to their ages, and I don't forget to find out how they feel, and what they need from me. I know that it is not always possible to pay such complete attention, since there are so many parents who do not have time to see their children!
What would your children ask you?
I would not like my children to be afraid of me, it is not something that depends only on me, but with that objective, they know that at home they can talk and raise their doubts and concerns openly. At the same time, parents try (easy it is not, but we try) not judge, and face problems from their consequences.
In general, children ask for less homework and more free time to play, ask for more presence of their parents and mothers, and that they trust themselves, so that they can act as guides who have their own opinion, and be able to maintain an equal relationship with the school.
They also ask to be able to channel their emotions and the pressure they feel in school, can we help them in this?
Of punishments or rewards
I I don't think children should receive a prize for good grades, firstly because the prize for the effort is the result in itself, secondly because I do not want that perspective to condition your work during the course (study for the gift ?, no thanks, I prefer to understand it as a global process oriented to the good results during your entire stay in the education system), and thirdly because it doesn't seem appropriate that every time summer comes I have to buy something, increasingly expensive (you know: at older age more demands), I don't like feeling obligated in this regard.
And what do we do if our son suspends? Repeating in Primary is hard ... they are still very children; having to do recovery exams in September if they are in Secondary, involves extra effort during the summer.
In these situations, the first thing we have to do is analyze the reason why they have obtained bad grades, and based on it, study solutions to be applied in the future. Scoling children, punishing them, serves to make them feel guilty, little else. It is not the same to talk with them about our expectations, and to tell us how they feel and what they need.
The solution is usually in our hands (We are adults for a reason: we have already acquired abstract thinking): spend more time this summer, pay for some review classes (or ask the older brother to help), support them so they can trust themselves again. And above all allow summer to be for them too: an experience that every year is unsurpassed, and that they will remember all their lives.
Images | momentcaptured1, Mike Baird In Peques and More | Practical guide to help children with final exams, Tips for dealing with exam anxiety
