I think I don't discover anything when I say that today's couples don't last like those of years ago. It is true that now they also marry less, but it is that although they start a life project together without signing any paper, many break in a short time and many when they have children.
Why? Because having children is very easy, but taking care of them, educating them and keeping up with them requires a dedication and commitment that not all adults have. And I've seen it in couples and, in person, I've lived how hard it can be (maybe because we have three). Come on, I'm in a position to say that Now I understand why many couples separate by having children.
Being parents tests the couple
Have a child tests the strength of a couple. Already in pregnancy there are women who ask me for advice, as a man, in case there is something they can tell their husbands in order to make them understand what the changes are, why they are more tired or why they change their mood and sometimes, without coming to the story they release a booger that you did not expect (a scream or make a fight for something that does not seem to have much importance).
And I don't know very well what to say beyond "tell him that he is hormonal and have patience with you, not to take it as personal ... oh, and tell him to get used to it and to commit to the decision he has also taken, of being a father. "
In Babies and more We are parents, but also a couple: how to keep love alive when we have childrenAnd is that the most complicated comes after childbirth, when the baby is already at home and the dynamics of the home are completely modified. Things she did now he has to do. Things he did now nobody does. And you get home after work, because the paternity leave is a joke of how short it is, and you find an exhausted woman, everything to do and asks you, for dignity, to hold the baby while you take a shower Quick, who knows that in your arms he will cry in 5 minutes, because it is the evening and at that time it is impossible.
And you take it, cradle it, calm it for a while, hold it on your left and leave the right to start picking up some things. "Be careful, don't do things with the baby that you can drop!", You hear from the sink. And yes, okay, but if I leave it crying and if I do not leave it tonight we have dinner with our hands, because the dishes are all to be washed, and we sleep in balls, because the clothes are still in the washing machine, after a wash that is held hours ago, still wet.
And this is just the beginning, because then the bad nights come, "you get up that I can not do more" and "see you that tomorrow I work", "do not let him cry, run" and "leave it for a while that nothing happens," he "is taking the hair "and" babies do not do that "," you are spoiling him too much "and" I can not stand to suffer "," because my mother has told me ... "and" tell your mother to shut up mouth".
And time passes and more children come
Maybe not in your case, but I had one, then another, and finally a third. And when we were two we discussed a lot, but a lot, and I really don't remember why it was, but they were all everyday and everyday things, and it was all because neither of us gave more of us.
We arrived in the afternoon without batteries and we both demanded a little more from each other. And if it wasn't us, it was the children who demanded it. And we got to the point of comparing, in a strange and insane competition, to see which of the two was more tired Or I had more reasons to be: "Well, I have collected all the clothes and ironed," "because I had the child all day," "because I had a terrible day at work," "well, I…" And I remember thinking for myself: since we have a third child, we separate for sure.
And the third one arrived and we are just as tired, and sometimes we argue, but I don't know why, we do it less than when we had two.
In Babies and more Five agreements so that your relationship survives on the arrival of the childrenBut we barely talk and hardly anything
Nobody told us what this was about being parents. Nobody notifies you. Nobody tells you how difficult it is to have creatures with their own desires and concerns, with much more energy than you and needs that usually go against your own. Nobody tells you that you stop doing the things you like because if not, there is no way to move on. No one tells you that you end up by not having time to talk to her.
Night comes and you lie on the bed and your back creaks through all the vertebrae. That instead of looking at her and telling her how the day went, you say "well, without news" and you watch TV, or a series, or you take a book, or you will love Facebook on your mobile: "Have you read the post I wrote today? "," No honey, I have not had time ... have you done what I asked? ". "The what?" And we cross only a few sentences that have little to do with our concerns, desires or hopes ... not even with our opinion about something. We end up giving us the appropriate indications for the next day: what one has to take to school, what does not have to take, "Put the tracksuit on one", "Put the folder to the other in the backpack", "Remember to pass by Post Office to look for the package that you left more than a week ago "and" You have to buy soap from the washing machine, which is not left. "
And between those two or three sentences and the WhatsApp indications the days go by, one after the other, almost surviving. Alternating moments in which you play with children with others in which you do not, moments in which you leave the house untouched with others in which you can no longer go through everything. And she tells you "but do you realize how they left everything in a moment?" And you know it, of course you know, but it was leave them for a while and disconnect or see how part of the brain came out of your ears, because there are times when it is worth entering mode standby.
Like the nights, as I say, when it would be an ideal time to revitalize the relationship and the head only gives you to move your finger from top to bottom on the mobile and to read the news of social networks ... well, until you drop the phone in your face and you realize that it would be better to turn it off and close your eyes, until tomorrow, in case the next day comes the moment that you have been waiting for years (or not anymore), when you can both laugh together something and explain anecdotes in a loud voice, and not by mobile.
We are no longer the same
And it's been 9 years since the first one was born and we look back, and we think about our lives as a couple without children and we realize that We are no longer the same. I am not the same. I'm not that Armando anymore ... you tell me yourself. Before you were more cheerful, more alive, more affectionate, more attentive. Of course it was. I guess I didn't have the same responsibilities. Now I work much more, we have three children to raise, care for and support and that makes your gesture wrinkle and gray hair. Age, of course, but more obligations.
If now the children left a few days from home, what would become of us? If we didn't know what to do ... maybe we wouldn't even know how to enjoy. We would try to do something of what we did when we were alone and we would probably feel even ridiculous, as if it no longer touched. And who knows if we would not realize that we no longer have so much in common as in the past. How many couples realize over the years, when they have time for each other again, that they are no longer with the person they fell in love with.
That's why many couples break
So many couples break up because of that, because they see the years go by and the days are practically a copy of the previous one. Because they realize that most of their energy is dedicated only to their children: to take them here, take them there, dress them, shower them, prepare their food, pick up the table, clean their disorders, fold their clothes, prepare their backpacks, help them to do their homework and so give them the many, at which time they only want to turn off the brain. Of course, people only watch junk television, if they don't feel like thinking about it!
And when they try to take some time for themselves, the couple complains because she would also want a little more time, but she doesn't have it. And they discuss, and some can not stand the pressure anymore, and say that it is enough, that he did not think that this was so hard and that he needs time ... that he no longer recognizes in the other person the one he fell in love with and worse, that he looks at the mirror and she is not even able to recognize herself. Or that I hoped it would be with the children a person as affectionate as it was with the couple, and it is not ... and they collide in the way of educating, and they argue for it.
And eye, I do not say to justify it ... often lack involvement, or lack love, or lack responsibility. I just say that I get it.
Because we have a good mood, if not ...
And why didn't my partner break up? Well I do not know. It only occurs to me that because despite everything, despite the risk of a good day we realize how much we have changed and how much we have dedicated to our children, we have done so because we felt that we should do it that way. None have felt compelled to do so, although we have argued a lot for, as I say, fatigue.
I believe that if we are still together it is because we both have a lot of sense of humor. She is cheerful by nature and I am more serious, but within my seriousness, I take my life with a lot of philosophy and do not need much to be happy. Further, I have learned to laugh at myself and of our situation, so many times, when the desire to scream or run away appears, I start laughing ... survival I call him.
And so, until we grow old and death do us part or until the day we look into each other's eyes and see no reason to stay together. I do not know.
